Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Which team would be best for Oldmanahan?

It took him until late October to finally get the hint, but like a girlfriend who finally realizes that "we need some time apart" actually means "fuck off and die," Brendan Oldmanahan announced that he's going to start dating other teams again.

So, with that in mind, let's size up how well the grizzled power forward would fit in with the other 29 teams in the NHL. If you hate reading, I'd say the best spots would probably be Vancouver, Pittsburgh, Boston and the two Florida teams (although that might just be for the purposes of mocking the elderly). Then again, this list could be completely wrong.

Regardless, enjoy:

It's official: Shanahan's short run in the Big Apple is over

Anaheim Ducks: While the Ducks need offensive depth and Brian Burke has been known to throw out a life preserver for washed up power forwards, there are two big strikes against BS: 1) he was never a member of the Vancouver Canucks and 2) the Ducks simply don't have the cap space to make it work.

Atlanta Thrashers: The question would be if Oldmanahan would want to be on a sparsely talented Atlanta team more than the Thrashers wanting him. The Thrashers added talent by overpaying second tier free agents (Ron Hainsey) and trading for cap fodder (Mathieu Schneider) so they'd probably be all over him.

Boston Bruins: It comes as quite a surprise that the Bruins are a center-heavy team only a few years removed from the Joe Thornton trade. This could actually be an interesting match, as Shanny could theoretically be a veteran presence for a young group of killer B's. It doesn't hurt that Beantown is also a huge media market, either.

Buffalo Sabres: Not sure how well sluggish Shanny would fit in with the speedy Sabres, but like Atlanta, Buffalo struggles to sign and keep its big name talent. He could be a decent compliment to the Sabres scoring by committee approach.

Calgary Flames: The big issues here are cap space and how much of Mike Keenan he would want to deal with. Both answers are "close to none."

Carolina Hurricanes: Meh. Although he could help to replace the under-the-radar productivity of Cory Stillman. Still, though ... meh.

Shanny might be a good fit in Boston since Ryder has been celebrating little outside of his bloated contract

Chicago Blackhawks: Windy City fans are committing to the Indian for the first time in ages (and not just because, you know, they can actually friggin' watch home games). Shanahan could be an interesting addition to a young, hungry and expensive group of players.

It also would be intriguing to watch Shanny join one of Detroit's divisional "rivals."

Colorado Avalanche: Well, he's old enough.

Columbus Blue Jackets: Another team that cannot draw much marquee talent, but I doubt Shanahan and Ken the 'Stache Hitchcock would be able to coexist.

Dallas Stars: Highly unlikely, unless Jere Lehtinen's injury woes continue and Sean Avery cannot provide any offensive punch. Hmmm ... maybe there's a chance after all.

Detroit Red Wings: Why would Ken Holland bring back one of the remnants of the "coast off past successes, shit the bed in the playoffs" regime after two deep playoff runs?

Edmonton Oilers: Shanahan is known for being media savvy, but does he know about the Oilogosphere?

Florida Panthers: A team that could always use an extra forward and some panache. Rumor has it that Florida is a favorite choice of the elderly.

Los Angeles Kings: It would be a good fit only from a media perspective. The Kings are too far from the playoffs and Shanahan is too close to the grave.

Minnesota Wild: He could be a decent gap filler if the Wild traded Gaborik, although would his less-than-enthusiastic back checking cost Jacques Lemaire his final follicles? That might be the first time that "Minnesota Wild" and "entertainment" could be used in the same sentence without the linking phrase "destroys anything resembling."

Montreal Canadiens: The Habs really want to make their centennial celebration special, but my recommendation would be to focus on players who still have something to give and something to prove.

Nashville Predators: After getting screwed over in the Radulov fiasco, the Predators would probably be glad to add to their weak core of forwards. The question is whether or not Shanahan would want to boot scoot over to Tennessee.

Don't expect this to happen again.

New Jersey Devils: Shanahan WAS a former Devil from way back when and Loophole Lou certainly seems nostalgic these days (See signing Rolston, Brian and Holik, Bobby). Still, aside from the occasional Patrik Elias brain fart, The Devils rarely overpay aging veterans.

New York Islanders: After their Rick Dipietro blood oath, it became clear that nothing is crazy in the eyes of the Isles. With washed up players like Bill Guerin and Doug Weight and a washed up arena in Nassau Colosseum, Shanahan would feel right at home.

Ottawa Senators: Not sure if they could make the cap space work, but the Senators search for a power forward seems eternal and cursed. Given the probable diminishing returns by Oldmanahan and the crazed Canadian media, this could be a match made in hockey hell. Count me in.

Philadelphia Flyers: They're too close to the cap and the last thing they need is another forward. Highly unlikely.

Phoenix Coyotes: The Coyotes love power forwards, but they might still feel burned by the remarkably unsuccessful Owen Nolan experience.

Pittsburgh Penguins:
With all the experience Sidney Crosby developed carrying Mark Recchi to a year and a half of artificial relevance, Shanahan could be a good fit on his wing. He could even be a good enough complement to allow the Penguins to spread the wealth and let Malkin center his own line again. Possibly an interesting fit.

San Jose Sharks: After the ineffectual Bill Guerin trade, it would be surprising if they went after another gone-soft and over-the-hill power forward. At the same time, he could probably score 25-goals if they were baby birded to him by Joe Thornton. And if nothing else, he could give Jeremy Roenick and Rob Blake another person to talk to at Early Bird breakfasts.

St. Louis Blues: The Blues feel like a forgotten team these days. Naturally, an Andy Murray team usually is pretty bland. Their involvement would probably just depend on their economic interest (although John Davidson's former New York Rangers announcing connections could make the Blues more than a Dark Horse candidate ... assuming that anyone even wants him, of course).

If the Sedin twins could make Anson Carter look like a star, what could they do with a future HoFer?

Tampa Bay Lightning: You'd think that with the shit ton of forwards they signed, the Lightning would be out of the mix. But since they added an 18-year old rookie, two chronic underachievers and a guy who tends to rotate bad years and career years (Prospal) the Bolts aren't exactly shooting out the lights right now. So maybe it could be an ideal destination. The Dan Snyder parallels would only get stronger.

(And again, the elderly do flock to Florida)

Toronto Maple Leafs: Toronto may be "rebuilding" but rarely can they pass up on big name players. Ron Wilson might not end up liking his Used copy of Oldmanahan, but Team Syrup might be a logical destination.

Vancouver Canucks: My favorite match.

While Oldmanahan is not quite what he used to be, he might be the finisher that the Cycling Sedins have been missing since they created magic with the likes of Anson Carter. Vancouver is a beautiful city and the Canucks have gobs and gobs of cap space with nary a solid forward to spend it on.

This coupling is so perfect it could inspire eharmony to fire it's creepy founder/commercial spokesman on the spot.

Washington Capitals: The Capitals are chock full of solid-to-great wingers; Alex O, Alex Semin, and Chris Clark are a nice compliment to their solid centers. Being that they are close to the salary cap, Shanahan probably won't be seen much in our nation's capitol.

So there you have my research-light take on possible Oldmanahan destinations. Not sure which teams are actually interested, who actually has the space and how much he's asking for in salary, but it certainly was fun to take a look at which teams would work.

Would Oldmanahan complete your team's puzzle or would he bring about a plague of Edgar Allan Poe proportions?


Mr. Plank said...

If you hate reading, I'd say the best spots would probably be...

Reading? Content? I come to Cycle Like The Sedins for the pictures!

Great article. I'd have to go with the Pens as my favorite fit, but you make a solid case for Vancouver.

jamestobrien said...

As a Pens fan at heart, I'd say that Shanahan would drag the team down and suck balls in the playoffs. But at least he'd be better than Fedetenko.

OH and thanks dude. Still planning on getting Hockey Orphan to pull an Undertaker, although I've decided to push it back a month or two.