Predictions that will make me look stupid

After perusing ESPN.com's predictions for the 2008-09 season, I thought I'd make a few of my own. Feel free to reach back to this post when you need to mock and humiliate me. Your welcome!

• The Ottawa Senators will win the Northeast Division. It's amazing how quickly people can sour on a team that boasts Dany Heatley, Daniel Alfredsson and Jason Spezza.

Sure, there was a time when the Senators had more than just that superstar line. But let's not forget that the Montreal Canadiens - for all their class and entertainment value - are depending on an extremely green goalie and Alex Kovalev, one of the flightiest star players in the game.

Honestly, would the Canadiens need a second to trade anyone on their roster for Spezza or Heatley? This year's Ottawa team will not spur the Globe and Mail to compare them to Gretzky's Oilers, but they might just have enough juice to slip past an overrated (if not lovable) Montreal team.

• The Red Wings won't win the Cup.

• Because the Ducks will win the Cup.

• Even though the Ducks will win the Cup, they probably won't win their division.

• The Edmonton Oilers are the sexiest team in the NHL.

Seriously. They have that underdog, scrappy young team vibe. If you can't root for Erik Cole after his grisly neck injury, even atheists will wonder about your soul. Ales Hemsky is also quite a beast from what I've heard.

• The Maple Leafs would be historically bad, but Ron Wilson is just so damn ingenious that they will only be really bad.

• The Devils will continue their "cockroach during nuclear winter" routine and not only make the playoffs, but win the Atlantic division. Even as I wish them death and destruction.
  

Am I the only person who thought the Devils actually made some pretty damn good moves? Bobby Holik sucked, but he mainly sucked because of the absurdity of his contract. Brian Rolston gives the Devils a really nice combination of forwards:

Brian Gionta - Patrik Elias - Zach Parise - Rolston

When you combine them with solid two-way/lesser known guys such as Jay Pandolfo, Jamie Langenbrunner and John Madden you have the making of an annoyingly effective team in front of the possibly immortal Martin Brodeur.

• And if it's not the Devils, it will be the Flyers ... ensuring my misery either way.
  

• I'm not predicting a regression for the Capitals for one simple reason: their division is a fucking joke. But they signed themselves a glass ceiling when they picked up Jose "Propecia" Theodore.

• Don't go sucking the Chicago Blackhawks' popsicles just yet.

• Pavol Demitra will not play 82 games.
  

• If the Red Wings kick as much ass in this season as last, Lidstrom should receive a Hart Trophy. As good as Chris Pronger is, it's a crying shame that he has a Hart trophy but Lidstrom doesn't. Justice should be served.

• Don't be shocked if Markus Naslund has a really good year.

• The Vancouver Canucks will make the playoffs and Roberto Luongo will win the Vezina.

• Finally, I have absolutely no clue who will win the Selke. So I'll just say Pavel Datsyuk to be safe.