Offering last minute advice for that OTHER trade deadline

While Wednesday marked the day for NHL teams to scramble to make last minute trades, the deadline for fantasy team owners to do the same is today. Before I get into the meat of the post, here's an offer:

I'll be willing to put on my Chris Nichols suit and answer last minute questions about your trades if you need them. While I don't expect anyone to ask me, I'll publish the questions and my responses if there are any. The cut-off for questions is 9 PM Central Time. Send any trade conundrums to jamestobrien@hotmail.com. Even if you are in one of my leagues, I will still answer your question with COMPLETE honesty.

ANYWAY, let's take a look at the trades I made and what we can learn from them. Oddly enough, though my three fantasy teams have clinched playoff berths, it's not crazy to say that I got hosed in each deal.

Trade 1:

My Funkillers send Patrick Marleau to Chick who would probably, seriously give Brenden Morrow a hummer for Petr Sykora.

Rating: D'oh!

Let's watch as I struggle to justify the trade. W-well my team lacked RWs. Marleau was only a Center at the time. Sykora's scored a lot of PPG and GWG.

While drafting Marleau in two of my three leagues shows I saw his rebirth coming, the Funkillers got molested on this one.

Trade 2: (only other league trade)

The Avery Rule trades Nik Zherdev for Alex Kovalev

Rating: Eh

One enigmatic Russian for the other.

Trade 3:

The Funkillers trade Shea Weber and Olli Jokinen for Chris Pronger and David Booth

Rating: To be determined

Olli Jokinen achieves the dubious distinction of being traded in real life and in the fantasy world.

The winner of this trade is still un-clear. My logic for moving Weber was simple: he scored one point in his last 10 games. The Cinderella story was over. Her glass slipper broke and she forgot her diaphragm. Now she's barefoot, pregnant and crying in her kitchen while making pasta.

Booth might as well have been Herbie Hancock. My goal was simply to bring in a proven D (Pronger) for a mirage (Weber). Jokinen had sucked wang all year (of course, he scored a hat-trick about a week later) and my team is well-stocked with centers.

Jokinen to the Flames might ultimately make this trade look worse, but one of the keys to good trading is that ultimately if you get the best player in the trade it's usually worth it.

Trade 4:

Funkillers trade Ty Conklin to John "cool guy who I once put in a pretzel-lock in college" for Michael "The Appetizer" Cammalleri

Rating: High risk, High reward

The one thing I like about all four of these trades is that they weren't screw-jobs for the other party. In this league in years past, there's always been a male and female who started banging during the season. This ended up causing what I deemed "Bodily fluid trades." You see, when two people are fucking, usually one of those teams is going to start to suck. So the sucky team sends their top player for a really, really weak return. I seethe. No one else cares. The world's a cruel bitch.

This year, though, it's been all kosher.

The deal was good for me: although Conklin was great (and still is), he's in a platoon. I had Steve "PIMP hand" Mason waiting to come back from the IR so trading Conklin was a risk worth taking. And now with Henrik Zetterberg, Shane Doan and Cammalleri my LW position is stouter than a beer drinking German.

But Sam got something too: an insurance policy for the stunningly shitty Chris Osgood. Now, Sam gets to go into the fantasy playoffs with the goaltender rotation of a top four NHL team in Detroit.

It's nice when everyone wins. But will I rue the day I dealt Conklin?