Wednesday, March 4, 2009

The "If you were the GM" wrap-up show starring: Tony Clifton!

(Since each post in the Trade Deadline Special was Shamu-sized, CLS thought we'd put it all in one convenient little post. That was smart. What wasn't smart was the fact that we decided to get Tony Clifton to host the wrap-up show. Here's what transpired. If you're unfamiliar with Clifton's ... unique voice, watch the Youtube clip below for an introduction/to refresh your memory.)


Tony Clifton: Ohhhh it’s the Hoooockey. Take me to the hockey game. Oh, it’s hooockey.

(Pauses)

Clifton: What the fuck is your problem? Huh, people?

Atlantic Division "If you were the GM" post

Clifton: I AM A STAR. I AM A STAR. I can fill a room. You people are a disgrace. I need this gig like a skate blade to the jugular!

(The crowd bustles with nervous, awkward energy. Clifton decides to mingle with the crowd).

Central Division "If you were the GM" post

Clifton: Whether I’m right … Whether I’m wrrrrooonnng. You’ve got to trade meeee. You’ve. Gotta trade me.
(Clifton clearly forgets the words to the song he already altered.)

Southeast Division "If you were the GM" post

Clifton: So, uh they asked me to announce some of the sponsors for today’s show. Let’s see.

(Thumbs through cue cards)

Clifton: Ehhhh … muscular dystrophy … Gold Bond medicated pads … Crown Royal … bullshit, bullshit my lines. Bull-shit Bull-shit Oh hey! The Clifton foundation.

Pacific Division "If you were the GM" post

(Someone cuts off Clifton's mic)

Clifton (half-audible): HEY! What the fuck are you doing! I am a Cele-bri-teeeeee. I'll have you fired! I'll sue for breach of contract!

Northeast Division "If you were the GM" post

(Clifton is escorted out of the building by a team of body guards. He screams this during the process.)
Clifton: Someone get me BETTMAN! BETTMAN!!! BUTTMAN! BATMAN! ... BARTMAN! Get your hands off me! I make more in one show than your family blows on Welfare cheese in a year! I am an artiste. BETTMAN! I'll sue you all! I'll own the NHL by next week! I'm going to re-name each team. You'll be playing for the Florida Fuck Yous in a WEEK!

Northwest Division "If you were the GM" post

3 comments:

Abel said...

Son of a bitch those are some amazing pictures. Was even better the second time around.

jamestobrien said...

There aren't many Clifton photos that fail to amaze me.

Chris Kontos said...

Tony should come up with an I Will Survive song for Bryan Murray.