Think dodging the All-Star game is safe? Think again...

There's been a lot of bitching and moaning about players backing out of the All-Star game. Ninety percent of them are claiming injuries to things other than playing in meaningless games and going through the motions. But, remember, nothing in life is completely safe.

With that in mind, let's look at some dangers the non-participants may face:

• Eye strain related injuries from rolling eyes at wife
• Remembering how annoying those kids are
• The dreaded snowblower/leafblower from Hell
• Third-degree burns after falling asleep with a cigarette while watching the All-Star game
• Throwing out your back because of extra time with mistress
• Dangerous new addiction to "Friday Night Lights"
• Getting pulled over because of fellatio-inspired reckless driving
• Simply being Pavol Demitra

See? Maybe next time you'll play it safe and go to the All-Star game. We hear your wife hates Montreal in the winter.