Thursday, January 15, 2009

All-Decade Team: Loudmouths

The plan was to go down the list from serious to silly, but on the heels of The Hockey News calling Jeremy Roenick the best interview in the NHL it seems totally natural to take a peek into the biggest loudmouths of the '00s. The center post seemed fairly comprehensive, but this is definitely a topic that needs reader input.

Which guys are the direct opposite of "Quoteless Joe" - for better or for worse?

Jeremy Roenick

Quite possibly the most outspoken player in the NHL, Roenick is more than just a provocateur since he can back up his verbosity with hard hits and game winning goals. Roenick's checking and yapping got him into some binds over the years. It seems oddly poetic that when Derian Hatcher extracted revenge from JR, Roenick's jaw was broken in the process. The good money is that a broken jaw still didn't stop him from talking.

Honestly, from listening to one game with JR as a color commentator, he ended up being suprisingly bland. Everyone seems to peg him for a career in the booth (and one game is not a great litmus test for someone who will call more than 82 games) but it does make you wonder if he's going to be like Joe Namath. Namath seemed like a natural choice but ended up being far less flamboyant with a headset than a helmet.

Brett Hull

Surely not the only hot air that has exited Hull's mouth

The Golden Brett avoided taboos about as often as he passed up shots. It only make sense that the irreverent son of Bobby Hull would go on to be named "The Ambassador of Fun." Considering the meek showings by Brad Richards and the implosion of Sean Avery, many Stars fans wish he remained fun ambassador.

Sean Avery

Hull ended up dropping a bloated contract into the lap of the most hated man in hockey, Sean Avery. His "sloppy seconds" line might be in the lead of his obituary some day, but keep in mind that there was a top 10 countdown of Avery's antics before he publicly disparaged the likes of Elisha Cuthbert. (Whatever he said to Darcy Tucker, we can safely assume it was morally questionable ... at best.)

John Tortorella

If Coor's Light would run those lame clips of coach's press conferences for the NHL instead of the NFL, you can bet the former Tampa Bay Lightning coach would be a favorite. With his "75 percent rule" for goalies and hotheaded interviews with the press, hockey fans couldn't be blamed for rooting for a Lightning loss just to see him flip his lid.

If this joke ends up becoming a reality, I'll be more ashamed than the guy who wrote the lyrics to "Cherry Pie."

Don Cherry

Unsubstantied rumor: Cherry's tailor is Satan.

The only thing louder than Canadian icon Cherry's suits is his voice. Avery made the point of saying Cherry knows very little about hockey, but one of the Rules of the Universe is that those who know the least say the most at the highest volume. Cherry abides by that rule, while dressing ridiculously and insulting French-Canadians. (Hey, at least that's one thing Avery and Cherry can agree upon)


Those are the notable loudmouths in my mind, but there's a good chance a deserving candidate went unrepresented. Leave your choice(s) in the comments.

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