With Naslund off the books, what will be Sather's next offering to the gods of hockey hilarity?

Semi-surprising news tonight: Markus Naslund's days as a former star turned passive perimeter player an NHL player are over. The move gives the Rangers an additional $4 million of cap space. Which, naturally, Glen Sather will spend in some hilariously incorrect way.

(The old salary cap outlook will have to be scraped, although it's still fun to laugh at the contracts Scott Gomez, Chris Drury and Wade Redden signed.)

Anyway, since the Rangers now have enough cap space to make more stupid decisions (NHLSCAP says they'll go into next year with a cap number slightly above $38 million), we thought it might be fun to picture 'ol Sather's contract proposals.

Phone call proposal: Marian Hossa

Glen: Hey, Mary! Odd name you got there, but you're a heckuva player! Hyuck hyuck.
Hossa: Uh ...
Glen: So, I know you went to the Red Wings last year to try to get a Cup. But I know what you really want: intense media scrutiny and more cold weather. Hello? Mary Ann? Hello?
(phone clicks)

Lunch meeting with: Mats Sundin

Glen: Mark? Is that you?
(Sather cleans off his glasses with a handkerchief.)
Glen: Wow, Mark, you're looking GREAT! Jeez, did you get taller? Still got the gambling bug, I see. When did you learn Swedish?
Mats: ...

Clearly tampering phone call to Erik Cole made during the Canes' playoff run
Glen: Heeeeeey, Erik, how's it going?
Erik: Uh, fine Mr. Sather. Shouldn't we be waiting until July to be doing ---
Glen: Look, Cole-y, I'm going to cut right to the chase. Coal miner, you're a hell of a player. Actually, Coal train, I'm not going to lie. I don't watch a lot of hockey anymore. It's so boring without Wayne and Mark! But my grandchildren think you're awesome in a video game. I see that you're rated in the 80's. You're almost as good as Drury and Gomez!!! Oh we just need to add a couple more 90's to this team and we'll be golden!
Erik: Riiight.
Glen: Anyway, Cole, think it over. And break a leg - er - neck - er ... good luck in the playoffs.

Bumps into Mike Comrie at expensive designer clothing boutique

Glen: Mike? Comrie? Hoowww's it going buddy?
Comrie: Um, who are you?
Glen: You know what, Mike, I watched you play with the Islanders and I think you have the certain something that can really make an impact in New York.
Comrie: I don't know, don't you have a bunch of cent-
Glen: From watching you play, I can tell that your assets are not being utilized enough. I can see that this team really could get a lot more out of ... Hillary Duff. In the stands, making the occasional locker room speech, posing for promotional photos in skin tight tailored Rangers jerseys ... hanging out with 20 or so of her sluttiest - er - closest friends in my luxury suite ...
Comrie: (sigh)

Desperate plea to Jaromir Jagr

Glen: Yaaaaaags, how's it going, baby? You ready to come back to the Big Apple?(pause) We didn't WANT you? Nahhh, we were just kidding! How's that Brazilian wax looking soul patch going? Ah, you shaved it? Damn. Well, hey, just uh, let me know if you want to come back. Not that, uh, we're having problems scoring goals without you or anything (laughs awkwardly)

Signs Marian Gaborik to a 10 year, $80 million contract
Marian: Are you sure you don't want me to take a physical first?
Glen: Naaaaaah!

Karmic battle tied: Hockey 1, Horse racing 1

We beat up on NBC all the time. Seriously, we really take out a lot of aggression on the peacock. Seriously.

But let's give the network a little credit; they stuck with the Anaheim-Detroit game even though it went to three OTs. In fact, the devotion was deep enough to preempt a racing event. Somewhere, Chris Drury is smiling. (Of course, he's just grinning as he collects his ill-gotten riches). We felt it necessary to provide a subtle hat tip to a network that gets a LOT of abuse from the hockey blogosphere, particularly on this blog. Thanks, NBC. Maybe you're not so bad after all? (OK, let's not get ahead of ourselves)

The Anaheim Calling gang did a nice breakdown of Game 2 of Detroit-Anaheim. Be sure to check it out.

Another hockey blog adventure

Cornelius has another great photo-report sharing his experiences in game 1 of Boston-Carolina. Check it out at our Bruins-Hurricanes blog. Also, if you're interested, here's his first trip report from the Bruins' first round series against Montreal.

Anaheim Calling on the controversial Mike Brown hit on Jiri Hudler

It's not quite a hockey Zapruder film, but Mike Brown's (borderline? dirty? suspension-worthy? incidental?) hit on Jiri Hudler caused Hudler to get 10 stitches and hockey fans to debate the merits of the hit. Some compared it to Scott Stevens' hit on Paul Kariya. Some said it was like Donald Brashear's late hit against the Rangers.

Read about it on the Detroit-Anaheim blog. Where should it land on the Wheel of Misfortune?

Rudy Kelly's sweet, sweet hate

Rudy Kelly breaks down everything (and everyone and every reason) to hate about Sidney Crosby, Alex Ovechkin, Evgeni Malkin and more in the Capitals-Penguins series. Click on the beefcake photo (or right here) to read it. Here's a couple highlights:

Hate Marc-Andre Fleury... because his name is Marc-Andre Fleury. Don't you have a joust to get to or some peasants to beat, you landed fuck?

Hate Sergei Fedorov... because he has boned Anna Kournikova and now he looks like he has AIDS or tuberculosis.

Hate Jordan Staal... because people are lazy and say, "Crosby, Malkin and Staal" when it should be, "Crosby, Malkin... and then that one weird albino with the pinhead." Also, hate him because Penguins fans refuse to admit they made a mistake drafting him instead of Jonathan Toews or Phil Kessel because he plays defense, which is like saying, "Yeah, I'm glad I went blind because now I have a good sense of touch." Wait, it's not like that at all. Moving on...

Decade Watch

(After Nicklas Lidstrom dominated (2 goals including the GWG plus an assist) Game 1 of the Wings-Ducks series, it reminded me that ... oh yeah, the decade's not over just yet.

So let's take a look at the guys who made the All-Decade Team - or could make, after a year and a half of revision, the "real" All-Decade Teams - and try to chart their progress in the 2009 playoffs.)

Centers

(Obviously, Joe Sakic and Peter Forsberg were not active, so let's take a look at the OTHER prominent nominee)

Joe Thornton
(6 GP - one goal, 5 assists, -3 rating, 17 SOG, 5 PIM from his shocking fight with Ryan Getzlaf)
A lot of people are going to throw Jumbo Joe under the bus and he certainly didn't start the series very well. Still, Joe showed flashes of what makes him one of the league's premier playmakers in the last few games and ended up with a near point-per-game pace. On paper, he looked OK. In the minds of some (especially crazy) fans, he looked like crap. The truth is somewhere in between. If anything, this performance strengthened the argument for Joe Sakic and uh ... Peter Forsberg.

Wingers
(Obviously, Jaromir Jagr wasn't active. Let's take a look at the progress of Jarome Iginla then.)
Jarome Iginla
(6 GP, three goals and 1 assist with a -4 rating, 18 SOG)

Iginla joins Thornton in the "hurt his case" group. The Flames were something of a mess toward the end of the season and while they made it to 6 games against the Blackhawks, the mess seemed to continue. Many people are beginning to wonder if the good will from the SCF run will wear off for Iginla and Miikka Kiprusoff.

Defense

Nicklas Lidstrom
(5 GP, three goals and four assists, 1 GWG, +5, no penalties)
It's not like Lidstrom really even needed it, but his game 1 against the Ducks made the difference. He also now has more points in the playoffs than Iginla and Thornton in one less game. Yeah, we'd say he probably has a shot at the All-Decade team.

Scott Niedermayer
(7 GP, one goal and four assists, 1 GWG, +4, no penalties)
Niedermayer has been his typically jaw dropping defensive self so far, but he also has a huge GWG from Game 1 against San Jose. He's managed to play great defense while staying out of the penalty box, something he should teach to his teammates.

Chris Pronger
(7 GP, one goal and five assists, +5, 6 PIM)
Pronger had an amazing series against the Sharks and also managed to keep his elbows from getting himself in trouble. He looked a little bit susceptible against the Red Wings tonight, but this will just be the beginning against Detroit. Will Pronger change any minds that he's the second best D of the decade over his teammate? Hard to say. They're both playing great hockey (as usual).

Goalies

Martin Brodeur
(7 GP, 3-4 record, .929 save percentage, 2.39 GAA, 1 SO, 1 smashed stick)
What an absolutely bat shit insane series for the All-Time Wins leader. If you look at it from a context-free perspective, his save percentage was impressive and he managed a shutout. Yet, going by the traditionalist/populist/semi-idiot "he makes the BIG saves" standpoint it was a disaster. Who can forget his spastic snapping after the Canes scored a GWG with .2 seconds left in a game? Perhaps someone who cannot remember since their mind was blown by the Hurricanes going from down 3-2 to winning 4-3 in the shocking span of one minute and twenty seconds.

Did he leave the door open for Roberto Luongo?

Roberto Luongo
(5 GP, 5-0 record, .951 save percentage, 1.50 GAA, 1 SO)
Was it worth it, Lou? All that toiling with the Islanders and Panthers? It's difficult to deny that Luongo might just be the best goaltender in the world right now. He's playing so well that Brodeur has to be nervous about his position as Team Canada's starting goaltender.

Chicago-Vancouver and Anaheim-Detroit are far from over, but we must ask: would there be a better test for Luongo's mettle than playing against the gold standard Red Wings? We might find out.

Re-design (again) and the satellite blogs

After receiving an e-mail from Joe, I decided to fiddle around with the blog layout (again!). It's still not perfect - I'd like for their to be a vertical line/border to separate the sidebar and the content plus there is still some wasted space here and there - but my main goal is to make the blog easier to read and navigate.

At some point, I'll venture out and find the "perfect" design in some google search. But my question is, what do you think? Vote in a poll and leave more specific answers in the comments.



OK, now that we have that out of the way, there's been a lot of mini-blog activity so let me try to direct you to the good stuff.

Cornelius continues his great work for the Boston-Carolina blog. In particular, he provides a comprehensive look at everything that is going on in the Boston and Carolina blogospheres (Tailgate in the Gahden). Great stuff.

Rob provides not one, but two fantastic previews of the Washington-Pittsburgh series from a Capitals perspective. I'll try to provide some Penguins perspective of my own too, but for now his "Five Questions" and Series Preview should give you an ample amount of reading material.

Finally, the Anaheim-Detroit blog continues to buzz with activity. Check out Joe's Five Keys to the Series (which also includes the time-honored battle of a man's mind and heart).

Fantastic stuff from the satellite blogs. Hopefully, this design will work for everyone. Feel free to be brutally honest, as this is all still a work in progress.